
There is an old adage about tools: “When all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.” Of course the meaning is that wise people take different approaches to different problems, and do not try to apply only one approach to all problems.
The area in which I have most seen this done recently is in church conflicts. I am aware of a few tense situations, and I have several times heard appeals to one and pretty much only one passage-the words of Jesus found in Matthew 18, specifically verses 15 to 20. Let’s take a look.
15 “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. 16 But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. 17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. 18 Truly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. 19 Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. 20 For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.”
So, our first question has to do with what Jesus means in this passage. The second is what other instructions and examples are in the New Testament dealing with church conflict. The third is examples of conflict in the New Testament and how they were managed.
In looking at the meaning, we will first zoom in on this one paragraph, and then zoom out to see the larger context. First, it’s important to remember the first phrase: “If your brother [or sister] sins against you…” Jesus is speaking of specific cases in which one Christian (brother) sins against another. Some examples might include insulting that person, tricking the person, speaking harshly, taking credit for one’s work, or not following through on a promise made. These all happen in our regular interactions, and it is healthy to deal with them in the way described by Jesus. The requirement for the offended party is to first “tell him his fault” one on one. The requirement for the offending party is to “listen.” By that I would suggest that Jesus means to listen to the impact that the behavior made without defensiveness, acknowledge the pain (even if unintended), and commit to better behavior in the future. Apologize and show repentance. If this is not done, then other witnesses should be brought in, and it can escalate to the point of casting the offender out of the church if repentance is absent.
Now, the larger context. If we look at the sayings and interactions just before this we find the following:
- A discussion of who is the greatest in the kingdom, in which Jesus says it is those who humble themselves like little children, and warns against anyone who would lead little children to sin, that we all must act in humility and depend on grace.
- A warning against sin, that it is better to lose parts of the body than to remain in sinful patterns
- A short parable of lost sheep in which Jesus shows his great concern for those who wander off and are lost, and the rejoicing when they are found.
Let me suggest that each of these has to do with leaders, those who aspire to be “great.” They must be humble, always watchful that they do not lead vulnerable people to sin, that it is better to cut off those who persist in sin, even if they are important, and that Jesus is on mission to seek and save those who have wandered away and bring them back. Leaders ought to display the most humble behavior of anyone in the church and be sensitive and caring for those who are vulnerable and struggling.
The remainder of the chapter is also relevant. Jesus tells the parable of the unforgiving servant, to illustrate the importance of forgiveness. He tells of a servant who owed a large debt to a king, begged for forgiveness, and was given it. He then proceeded to find another servant who owed him a small debt and came after him with violence to force him to pay it. The other servants saw and told the master what had happened, who then rebuked the servant and punished him severely.
So what do these sayings have to do with the passage in question? I would say first that fundamental to this teaching about interpersonal relations in the church is the importance that Jesus gives to looking out for those in the church who are struggling. Like good shepherds, church leaders have a divine mandate and responsibility to give of themselves for the sake of the “little children” and “sheep” under their care. Sadly, we seem to be seeing an epidemic of abuse and toxic leadership in church cultures. It seems like every week I hear of a new toxic situation somewhere, often involving people I care about, or a new book that is published to try to help Christians understand such situations. And also sadly, these words of Jesus are often used by leaders and their supporters to circumvent accountability. They are used like a “get out of jail free” card so that if the witnesses to their bad behavior don’t follow this formula just right, the wrongdoers can’t be held accountable. This is a clear violation of the principle of the matter which is to care for victims.
Could it be that, rather than being gentle with toxic leaders, and letting them off on technicalities, we need to be as firm as Jesus is? That we need to be willing to cut them out of the life of the church when they cause others to sin, even if they seem “important” to the life of the body, just like an eye, foot or hand seems important? Many today seem ready to give leaders a pass when they have made “such a great impact for the kingdom.” But Jesus is saying even the most effective body parts need to be cut off if they are hurting others.
Second, I think the parable of the unmerciful servant is also instructive. Again, the other servants saw the servant acting badly. According to those who want to apply Jesus’s words for every situation, they should have confronted him directly. They did not. Rather, they took the matter to the master. My understanding then, is that there are situations (when your brother sins against you) when you should deal with the wrongdoer directly, and there are other situations (when you witness someone mistreating others) when you are at liberty to take it to a higher level. In our day, that could be law enforcement for a criminal act, or it could be leaders of the church in the case of someone in the church mistreating someone else. When a leader of the church is mistreating someone, we may need to go to other leaders who have some authority over them.
Now, let’s look at other instructions in the New Testament.
Paul brings up the matter a few times. In Galatians 6, he writes:
“1 Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. 2 Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. 3 For if anyone thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself.”
In this case, it seems the sin is done with clear evidence, and the emphasis is on gentle restoration. Clearly, the sinner repents and wants to be restored.
In 1 Timothy 5, instructions are given regarding church leaders:
“19 Do not admit a charge against an elder except on the evidence of two or three witnesses. 20 As for those who persist in sin, rebuke them in the presence of all, so that the rest may stand in fear.”
Here, there needs to be evidence to entertain accusations against elders. To be truthful, in the Old Testament, all serious crimes could only be prosecuted with at least two witnesses, whether the accused is a criminal or not (Deut. 19:15; Numbers 35:30). But in any matter, there is no mention of an initial one-on-one confrontation, and there is instruction that persisting requires a public rebuke.
Then, in James 5, James gives these instructions:
“19 My brothers, if anyone among you wanders from the truth and someone brings him back, 20 let him know that whoever brings back a sinner from his wandering will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins.”
This situation apparently has to do with someone walking away from faith, and the point is how good it is to bring them back.
Having looked at these instructions, let’s look at a few examples of conflict in the New Testament, and how the people of God dealt with them.
Several times, Jesus rebuked those who were opposed to him and his message. You can find the most clear and harsh rebukes of the Pharisees in Matthew 23 and Luke 11. Jesus rebuked the money-changers in the temple (John 2, Matt. 21, Mark 11, Luke 19). These were not fellow believers, but Jesus even rebuked his own followers at times such as Peter in Matt. 16 and Matt. 26 (when he and other disciples fell asleep in the Garden of Gethsamene). All of these rebukes were public, and even those directed at an individual were in front of others. Did Jesus fail to follow his own instructions? I don’t think so, because it was not a matter of a brother sinning against him alone.
In the book of Acts, we find several examples of conflict among believers. In Acts 5, Peter publicly called out Ananias and Sapphira for their deception of the church, and they were struck dead by God. In Acts 6, the Hellenized Jewish widows complained that they were being shortchanged in the apostles’ meal distribution program. This complaint was handled without any mention of anyone going to someone privately or a rebuke directed to them for not doing so. Matthew 18 does not seem to have been followed in these cases.
In Acts 15, there was disagreement related to circumcision and Paul and Barnabas had “no small dissension and debate” with those who taught differently, instigating a discussion and decision among the whole church. There is no evidence of a private confrontation.
In 1 Corinthians 5 Paul appears to be calling out the whole Corinthian church in writing over their proud tolerance of sexual immorality. In Galatians, he talks about his opposition of Peter’s practices and rebuked him “before them all.” Then he recorded this incident in such a way that we still read about it today. Was Paul in violation of Jesus’s instructions in Matthew 18? Paul also wrote about the ways Demas had disappointed him (2 Tim. 4:10), and the hostility of Alexander the coppersmith (who, granted, may not have been a believer – 2 Tim. 4:14-15). He aired their dirty laundry in writing, and we still see these negative talk about them today! Was Paul in violation of Matthew 18?
Pretty much the entire epistle of Jude is a rebuke of enemies who have “crept in unnoticed.” Jude does not confront them privately, nor does he instruct others to do so. In 3 John, John also rebukes Diotrophes for his bad behavior, which seems to be along the line of domineering church leadership:
“9 I have written something to the church, but Diotrephes, who likes to put himself first, does not acknowledge our authority. 10 So if I come, I will bring up what he is doing, talking wicked nonsense against us. And not content with that, he refuses to welcome the brothers, and also stops those who want to and puts them out of the church.”
So, what are the lessons we might take from this?
First, the instructions of Jesus are not a “one size fits all” to apply to any situation, as I have heard implied at times. These are specific instructions for specific situations. It’s actually surprisingly difficult to find a situation in which Matthew 18 is applied in the New Testament.
Second, it is dangerous to strictly apply these instructions in cases of abuse and harsh mistreatment of others. It is wrong to expect people who have been bullied, manipulated and abused to confront their oppressor privately. It will make matters worse, causing harm to the victim. Someone strong needs to go with them. As one of the articles linked to later on says,
“If, for example, a group of members raise allegations of the pastor’s abusive behaviour to the elder board – they are not engaging in an activity applicable to Matthew 18:15-17. Indeed, as Kruger goes on to explore, they in fact align more closely with the urging of Paul in 1 Timothy 5:19 (that we ought ‘not [to] admit a charge against an elder except on the evidence of two or three witnesses’) which implies such charges can be brought directly to the wider church leadership.”
And I should also say: If you have been bullied, manipulated and abused, don’t give up on Jesus. He’s ready to seek you out like the lost sheep. Do your best to handle the problems righteously, but don’t let others condemn you for speaking out.

Third, these instructions cannot be a “get out of jail free” card. This is not a situation in which following protocols are more important than truth and restoration. In the church, one should not be able to “get off on a technicality.” If there is a problem with how someone dealt with an offense, we need to handle that separately.
Fourth, there are many prescriptions and examples of ways to handle conflict in the New Testament. Why do we seem stuck on just one? We should study these instructions and situations carefully to apply wisdom for each situation today. If we keep treating Matthew 18 as the universal prescription for conflict, we wind up condemning half of the New Testament church.
So, let’s expand our set of tools, learn how to use different ones well, and when to use them.
For further reading, I recommend you check out any of these resources on use of the same passage:
https://edcreedy.com/2022/12/10/spiritual-abuse-fallen-leaders-and-the-misuse-of-matthew-18/: Having and Using More than One Tool – Church Conflict Edition https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/themelios/article/editorial-on-abusing-matthew-18/: Having and Using More than One Tool – Church Conflict Edition https://julieroys.com/3-ways-wrongly-apply-matthew-18/: Having and Using More than One Tool – Church Conflict Edition








